Sleeping with Animals

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Sorry for the long break without blogging! I went on vacation camping and I meant to schedule some reruns but I ended up getting stressed about my water and Ritz cracker supplies and forgot. Then I came home and was exhausted after sleeping on a deflating air mattress for five nights and a 12-hour drive home. Oh, and fun, I had fun too. We saw a lot of the mysterious jellyfish that have been washing up on the West Coast beaches. Pretty sure they might be a sign of the apocalypse. Wasn’t there a jellyfish on one of the seven seals or something?

Posted in Cats and Cats, Human Interactions, Puppies and Dogs | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Good Deeds

water 1water 2water 3water 4water 5water 6water 7

Posted in Human Interactions, Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments

Just a Regular Day

6:45 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I hit snooze 4-5 times.

7:00 a.m.: The husband informs me that there was a large-scale ant invasion in the kitchen in which they tried takeover our pizza boxes. Once again, glad I have a close relationship with my snooze button.

7:05 a.m.: Greeted by the puppy who is super excited to see me, even though she slept two feet away from me all night. Puppy logic.

7:10 a.m.: Shower/mini-torture session due to insane sunburn. Also, a mini-torture session sounds adorable.

7:30 a.m.: Get ready for work. It takes awhile because I’m just a regular human.

8:10 a.m.: Hug husband goodbye and walk out the door to go to work and OH SHIT THE CAT GOT OUT!

8:15 a.m.: Chase cat out on sidewalk where it jumps up and hides under our elevated deck.

8:20 a.m.: Chant softly to bushes trying to lure cat, notice the neighbor is outside smoking a cigarette and staring at me. Try to act like chanting at bushes is a totally normal morning activity.

8:25 a.m.: Crawl into bushes trying to grab cat. He darts further back under the deck.

8:30 a.m.: Consider how many panic attacks I’ll have if I leave the cat outside. Continue trying to catch the cat.

8:35 a.m.: Have lured the cat out again with chanting. Husband sneaks up behind him and grabs him.

8:40 a.m.: Leave for work and I’m really late. Consider how sympathetic my coworkers are likely to be to “had to climb through bushes in my work clothes to catch my escaped cat” excuse.

8:50 a.m.: I’m on the train and in a constant state of annoyance.

9:15 a.m.: I’m the first one to work. Congratulate myself on not sending a warning message about being late to my coworkers.

9:30 a.m.: Make a deconstructed smoothie for breakfast. Just kidding, it’s apples and yogurt.

11:00 a.m.: Really impress my coworkers with my ability to edit a PDF document. Decide to leave it a mystery rather than confessing I have the Pro version of Adobe.

11:42 a.m.: Is it lunch yet? No.

11:43 a.m.: Continue working. Sigh a lot.

12:05 p.m.: Discuss the weird IT problems our office is having. One person suggests it’s maybe the wiring. I suggest a haunting.

12:30 p.m.: Get harassed by the office fly, which refuses to die.

1:00 p.m.: Go to my local depressing salad bar, which has no windows in the seating area. I like it because no one bothers me when I keep reading long after I’ve finished my food. Also, no one else goes there.

2:05 p.m.: My coworker informs me that the office fly committed suicide into a bowl of water in the sink. I feel a little sad. Just kidding, I was about to murder that bitch.

2:52 p.m.: My phone rings and the caller ID says “My Dutch Uncle.” Unfortunately, it turns out that I don’t have a Dutch uncle and people just pick out weird names for their businesses.

4:59 p.m.: Quittin’ time!

5:20 p.m.: About 1,000 people try to jam into a train car that has a 75-person capacity. The train driver is screaming on the intercom, “Be reasonable people!” The people are not reasonable.

5:32 p.m.: There is no AC on the train. I’m dying.

5:40 p.m.: I walk to my parked car, which also doesn’t have working AC. I feel like a champion.

5:50 p.m.: Get home. The puppy freaks out like she thought I was dead this whole time. Puppy logic.

6:00 p.m.: Play with the puppy, feed the cats, feed the puppy.

6:30 p.m.: Exercise since my earlier self slept through the alarm and didn’t exercise in the morning.

6:32 p.m.: Curse my earlier self.

6:35 p.m.: The husband asks why I’m exercising because I exercised yesterday. I glare at him a lot.

7:00 p.m.: Feed myself.

7:30 p.m.: Work on personal projects instead of drawing a blog post.

7:32 p.m.: Feel guilty.

8:00 p.m.: Flip through the channels a lot. Grumble.

8:15 p.m.: Found a show to watch on Hulu.

8:16 p.m.: The puppy rings her bell to be let out. Grumble.

9:00 p.m.: Is anyone still reading this?

9:45 p.m.: Tell myself that I’m going to go to bed early.

10:00 p.m.: Get sucked into the 10 o’clock news.

10:45 p.m.: Oh shit, it’s not really this late, is it?

11:00 p.m.: Go to bed and start falling asleep. Cat that escaped this morning starts pawing my face. Full circle.

 

Posted in Cats and Cats, Human Interactions, Marriage, Observations | Tagged , , , , | 26 Comments

The End of Car Theft?

I live in Oakland, CA, which is basically famous for its crime,* so you see a lot of people getting desperate to keep their shit safe.

It just got taken to a whole nother level though when the other day I was parking at the train station and saw this.

photo(33)That’s right. It’s like a bike chain, but for your car. I died.

One of my friends told me I missed a good photo-op moment, but luckily that’s what Photoshop is for.

Gangster CarSorry, I really have no idea how to pose as a gangster. Clearly.

I do feel like this chain would probably work though because anyone cutting it would probably feel just as silly as the person putting it on felt.

*Just kidding, mom, it’s totally fine!

Posted in Human Interactions, Observations | Tagged , , , , , , | 30 Comments

When You Smile

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Posted in Human Interactions, Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

My Thought Process

thoughts 1 thoughts 2 thoughts 3  thoughts 4 thoughts 5

This is how I actually think because I’m insane.

Posted in Paranoid | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

5 Most Common Reasons You Didn’t Blog

blog 1 blog 2 blog 3 blog 4 blog 5

Btw, in that first frame I’m supposed to be filing my nails, but in retrospect it looks like I’m confused by a strange joint. Feel free to use whatever interpretation works best for you.

Posted in Cats and Cats, Observations | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Custom Art Winner!

I’m going to have a new post up early next week, but I realized I forgot to announce the little contest winner who gets a custom pet portrait. It was… Jon from Pastrami Basket! Go check out his blog – he puts his drawings in real life situations that end up being ridiculously funny, much like you’d expect of pastrami in a basket.

If you haven’t seen my Etsy shop or if you know of someone with expendable income who wants a custom pet/animal portrait, send yourself or them to Feline Pretty Art. I should have a few more examples up in the next month too.

Have a good weekend! Or don’t. I won’t judge.

Posted in Crafty Things, Observations | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Feline Pretty

So, I officially opened an Etsy store for custom pet portraits, and to celebrate, and I’m going to give one pet portrait away for free! Hooray!

If you would like a custom portrait of your beloved pet (or favorite animal, whatever), all you have to do is visit my store, Feline Pretty, and leave a comment here on my blog. Get yourself two entries if you favorite my store! What a deal!

For those of you who voted that you’d pay a warm beer for a custom portrait, this is your chance to get away with even less than that! I had a hard time figuring out how to price items, but after doing an in-depth market analysis (went to a few other Etsy sites) and testing the client temperature (random survey results), I priced my items around the midpoint for oil paintings. However, as my loyal blog reader, if you’d like to commission a painting, you can use the coupon code LoyalBlogReader to get a 15% discount now through the end of August. I know the portraits seem expensive, but I promise I’m only paying myself like $10 an hour.

Anyway, thanks for letting me post about it here! I’m hoping to do a regular post this week too, although I’m coming down with a cold so I’ll have to see how much my body decides to hate me.

Forgot to mention, I’ll pick and notify a winner on Tuesday, May 27th! So get on it!

 

Posted in Cats and Cats, Mediocre Store, Nerd Things, Puppies and Dogs | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

How to Make Money Off the Unspecting Internet in the Slowest Way Possible

Whenever I’m really busy and I actually manage to get stuff done, I look around and wonder why I haven’t gotten a raise yet. Then I remember that life doesn’t give raises and really you just have to be happy if you manage to get through the month without more crippling debt or every pair of tights you own running the first time you put them on.

I admit this is partly my own fault. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend that as soon as I get comfortable or finish a big task I immediately want to take on something else. I really don’t know where I get it from because I swear to you that I really excel at procrastinating and putting things off (ex: see blog) with the best of them and really I enjoy nothing more than wasting Saturday mornings drinking coffee and critiquing PBS cooking shows. I’m honestly the last person I’d expect to take on unnecessary tasks, but last year it was buy a house in a seller’s market and then it was adopt a puppy, then train said puppy, then paint the house ourselves, then buy a car, then consider options to make more money, then realize puppy needs more training, then etc., etc., etc.

Anyway, in my brainstorming to make money I’ve come up with one possibility, which is to sell stuff. My mother-in-law has become hugely successful in the Etsy pillow business (seriously, this is a thing), which makes me wonder if I can make something to sell to the noble people of the Internet as well.

Basically, the last few months I’ve been teaching myself to paint. I’ve actually messed around with painting for years but I never bothered to learn how to properly mix paints or whatever. I still only know about 1/100000th of what a credible painter knows, but since when has the Internet cared about credentials, right?

I’ve been practicing making portraits of pets (I just finished painting my cats, which will be hung over the mantle, of course) because pets are obviously the best subject ever. So while I’m a little ways away from being confident enough to open a store, I figured I’d do a poll to see how many people would actually pay for a portrait of their pet.

My first subject was a dog named Vegas and I mutilated his poor paws, but he was a good sport about it.

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Next I painted my cat Wizard, who wasn’t quite sure what to think about her portrait, although she was quite happy to sit for it everyday, as most cats would be.

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My last subject was my cat Hang Time, and I actually had to start his portrait over because his first one was turning out awful. Wait, did I type that out loud? I meant every brush stroke was exceedingly perfect, of course.

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So tell me what you think, Internets, and by “tell me what you think,” I mean very gently sugarcoat a small truth for me.

Posted in Cats and Cats, Human Interactions, Mediocre Store, Puppies and Dogs | Tagged , , , , , , , | 30 Comments