Late Night Thoughts

Everybody has some natural talent. Some people are talented in athletics. Some people can hold their breath for a really long time. And some people can make a really fabulous poached egg.

My talent is unrelenting paranoia.

This isn’t really a talent that comes in handy very often. It mostly just gets in the way of making any kind of decision, but occasionally, it comes in handy.

paranoid 1 paranoid 2 copy paranoid 3

paranoid 4  paranoid 5 paranoid 6 paranoid 7Sometimes, it’s the only way to get some proper sleep.

 

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5 Reasons to be a Cat

  1.    cat sleep 1
  2. cat sleep 2
  3. cat sleep 3
  4. cat sleep 4
  5. cat sleep 5

(It’s sleeping.)

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Digital Reality

digital reality

It really was supposed to be a lot more exciting.

Posted in Human Interactions, Nerd Things, Observations | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

5 Signs You Should Invest in Godzilla

I couldn’t think of a post for today because I’m lame, so I did one of those random blog idea generators, which are also usually lame, unless you put in a word like Godzilla, who is never lame (unless it’s an American production, then it’s twice lame).

So anyway, when should you invest in Godzilla?

1. Buildings are no longer valuable.

godzilla 1

There’s no faster way to destroy a city than Godzilla. Everyone knows that.

2. Godzilla dividends always pay well because the fundamentals never change.

When is Godzilla not Godzilla, am I right?

3. There’s an invasion of giant moths.

godzilla 2Or maybe tiny moths. I’m not sure if it matters.

4. If the market gets bad, Godzilla can just crush it.

I mean, probably?

5. Buy what you know.

Godzilla has been a trusted product for centuries and may even be the oldest reptile ever. Maybe.

So, I guess go invest in Godzilla? Because when has a random blog idea generator been wrong!

Posted in Nerd Things, Observations, Weird Searches | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

The Truth About Corgis

Internet, I have a confession to make.

I’ve been thinking about this confession a lot in the last year or so, and honestly I’ve been afraid of coming out with it. It may be enough to get me kicked out of the Internet forever. Yes, it is that shocking.

I know what you’re thinking. What, does she murder baby unicorns for their pelts and use the money to advocate for prohibition?

No, I’m afraid you might think it’s worse. I’m just going to say it.

I don’t like corgis.

There. It’s done. I said it. I don’t like them. I don’t think they’re cute. And I just don’t get the obsession with them. (Have you unfollowed me yet?)

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish them any harm. I’m sure they have a lovely personality. And they are a living being, and as a living being they deserve a sort of grudging respect.

But are they really dogs? I’d like to present Theory 1: Are Corgis Actually Slugs?

corgi 1

I’m sure even you, Internet, corgi lover that you are, can appreciate the similarities here.

I mean, yeah, they’re cute as “puppies,” but I feel like maybe there’s some sort of conspiracy going on about their “cuteness.” It’s like the Emperor’s New Clothes or something. You know, everyone pretends he’s got this really great outfit on but really he’s just balls deep in nudity? And then there’s that one innocent who speaks up and says, “But he’s naked!” Well, the Internet doesn’t have any innocents (of course), so you got stuck with us cynics instead. (Sorry, we’re not as cute.)

I mean, don’t get me wrong, corgis aren’t all that is wrong with the dog world. Humans have been playing Mad Scientist with the canine species since the dawn of time.

corgi 2

Of course all these poor creatures deserve good homes. I’m just saying Nature would never have let a dog without legs become a “thing.”

And you know what’s worse? Not only do these poor legless dogs exist, but these sick people are running around making perfectly good dog breeds also into corgis.

If you have a strong stomach, I challenge you to look at this page. Look and weep at the horror you have wrought, Internet. Just no longer ask me to sit silently and watch.

I’ll just be over here now waiting for my eviction notice.

corgi 3

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They’re Probably Like Same Thing

 

dog 1 dog 2 dog 3 dog 4 dog 5

Posted in Cats and Cats, Human Interactions, Puppies and Dogs | Tagged , , , , , | 14 Comments

How to Create a Monster in 5 Easy Steps

1. Pick your monster.

Generally, your monster should be something that isn’t already terrifying. If you are scared or disgusted by your monster before you even start, you will never be able to create a proper monster of it, and your 3rd grade teacher would remind you that a healthy challenge is important in life.

Examples:

monster 1 monster 2 monster 3

2. Teach your monster something that should in theory be useful to you.

This could be anything. You could teach it talk or give you affection when it’s close to you, or even teach it to ring a bell when it needs to go outside to pee. You know, normal everyday useful things.

3. Allow time for your monster to become confident.

This could take as much as a few hours to a few weeks, but it’s important to give your monster enough time to not only gain confidence, but also a sense of entitlement. No monster can truly be a true monster unless it believes it is superior over all other beings, and a bit of a god complex wouldn’t hurt either.

monster 44. Encourage your monster.

By now, your monster should be starting to experiment. Give your monster the right motivation to continue in this behavior.

monster 5

5. Enjoy your monster.

monster 6monster 7

Posted in Cats and Cats, Childhood Things, Human Interactions, Puppies and Dogs | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Game of Love

game of love 1game of love 2 game of love 3 game of love 4 game of love 5 game of love 6

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Kitty Don’t Care

drought 1 drought 2 drought 3 drought 4 drought 5 drought 6He only likes to drink out of the faucet or my water glass, but never his bowl.

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Trendies

 

trendies 1 trendies 2 trendies 3 trendies 4 trendies 5 trendies 6 trendies 7 trendies 8

Posted in Human Interactions, Observations | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments