How To Keep Something Actually Confidential

I was watching Inception the other day and near the beginning there’s a scene where Leonardo DiCaprio’s character is trying to steal some document and on the document is stamped, in big red letters, CONFIDENTIAL. And I just thought, that’s stupid. If I had something I wanted to keep secret, I definitely wouldn’t make the document scream, “HEY, THIS IS SOMETHING REALLY REALLY INTERESTING BUT YOU SHOULDN’T READ IT BECAUSE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE KEPT A SECRET!!!”

If you want to actually keep something a secret, here are my suggestions.

So now you know never to label your document “secret” or “confidential,” but where do you keep it?

Safes are the worst place. If you’ve ever seen any movie, you’ll notice that’s the first place anyone looks. And guess what, they always crack the code, so locking it is pretty much useless anyway. I recommend putting it someplace where not only no one will think of to look, but also where no one wants to look.

For the record, I don’t have a magazine rack by my toilet. I think it’s gross, and it’s pretty much obsolete now anyway now that everyone has a smart phone. Don’t even pretend you’ve never played Angry Birds in the bathroom.

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13 Responses to How To Keep Something Actually Confidential

  1. Kathy H says:

    hahahahaha! Thank you once again for a great laugh!

    Like

  2. hulagirl65 says:

    Hilarious and SO smart!?! Why WOULD anybody mark it CONFIDENTIAL (usually in RED and BOLD, too?)

    PS I don’t play Angry Birds while I’m in the bathroom. I don’t play Angry Birds at all. Now, Words With Friends? Hmm, no comment.

    Like

  3. sayali611 says:

    I keep the ‘confidential’ file amongst my stack of unpaid bills. Not a single other fingerprint has been traced from those papers yet.
    PS- I play angry birds during boring meetings. Only in my mind I’m throwing those birds at the person across the table.

    Like

  4. ryubakura says:

    Very Funny. Had a good laugh. =)

    Like

  5. Gee, normally I can count on your blog for my early morning chuckle but now I am feeling slightly depressed. Not only do I not know what Angry Birds is but I lack a smart phone.
    PS, no magazine rack but there is a completly full bookcase, does that count for anything?

    Like

    • Wait, is there a bookshelf in your bathroom?!

      Don’t worry, you are probably going to get a jump on the rest of us as we forget how to socialize. 😉

      Like

    • Gee, normally I can count on your blog for my early morning chuckle but now I am feeling slightly depressed. Not only do I not know what Angry Birds is but I lack a smart phone.
      PS, no magazine rack but there is a completly full bookcase, does that count for anything?

      Yep, it’s more that I ran out of room to store books then a need to stay educated at all times

      Like

  6. ACW says:

    Can always count on your blogs to be funny 🙂 thanks!

    I think people have “Confidential” clearly marked on documents for legal reasons – perhaps if it is later found to be in the public domain, they can argue that it is privileged information or trade secret etc so that they can have a basis to sue 🙂

    Like

  7. Kriss says:

    Heard this great tip once that made me laugh. Label your homemade porn tapes (guess it would be CDs, now) as “Tax Law, 2011” or something equally as deadly. Your kids will be sure to chuck it. Not that any of us have that stuff lying around…:D
    As always, thanks for lightening my day!

    Like

  8. You could hide almost anything in my son’s room. Pretty much forever. As long as it didn’t develop an aroma. Then a mom may sniff it out as she did a 6-month old PB&J.

    Like

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