Every so often the Husband and I look at each other and say, “We should be healthy!” It’s not that we’re not healthy, I’d say we eat healthier than the average American, but sometimes I’ll buy some jalapeno poppers or something and feel guilty about it for the next several weeks.
One day, after I vowed to get really healthy, I did some research online and decided what we really needed to do was detox. If you don’t know, a detox diet basically claims it will clean out your entire system by eliminating everything good in life. This includes eliminating all dairy, sweeteners, gluten, soy, alcohol, and caffeine. Basically, we were only allowed to eat raw vegetables because even fruit was off-limits for the first few days.
Despite the fact that I had just graduated from college several months before, where I lived on a diet of Top Ramen, popcorn, and Diet Coke, I was convinced I could do it. I bought the necessary groceries and pictured myself becoming all kinds of awesome after I finished the diet.
I felt pretty good when I set out on the first day. For breakfast, I had nothing since I always skipped breakfast. I couldn’t have any caffeine so I decided to have some chamomile tea instead, which did nothing except make me sleepy. As lunch got closer though, I started panicking a bit about how hungry I was getting (probably due to my caffeine withdrawal).
My lunch consisted of carrots, celery, and broccoli.
I grudgingly ate my lunch, but I wasn’t happy about it. As the day wore on, I felt worse and worse.
I somehow dragged myself home and collapsed on the couch and not long after the husband got home too and sat down with me.
Me: How do you feel?
Me: Yeah, me too.
Husband: So, do you want to make the call or should I?
Me: You do it. I might feel slightly less guilty if I don’t.
Husband: Ok, what do you want on it?
Me: Pepperoni, please.
So yeah, my detox diet lasted less than a day. Don’t judge me.