Dear Jury Duty,
You probably don’t hear this much, but I got my summons the other day and I’d actually like to get called in. You see, I’ve been getting jury duty summons for about ten years, but never once has my number come up. All time I hear stories from my friends about their experience with jury duty – the cramped sitting room where they wait, the weird people they encounter, the strange questions they’re asked, and disturbing looks they get from the plaintiff or defendant. I have nothing.
In all honesty, I think I’d make a pretty good juror. My friends say I’m a good listener and the only time I’ve been called a heartless bitch was when I wouldn’t let some kids see a second movie for free back when I used to work at a movie theater.
I have to admit that some of my desire to be a juror probably dates back from high school. I had decided to join a club that would be competing in a mock trial with other schools across the county. I studied hard and frequently practiced all the objections I could make (my favorite part). Finally, the day of the big trial came and we learned that we had too many people in our group and not all of us would be able to participate. I remember a girl on my team coming up to me, batting her lashes and asking if maybe she could go and then if we won I could be on the next trial. Of course, there would be no next trial if we didn’t win, but being a timid sucker I shook my head okay.
That was a mistake.
She just sat up there, doing and saying nothing as her defendant was being ripped to shreds! I had to bite my lip to keep from shouting out, “Objection, the question is argumentative! Objection, the question is compound! Objection, hearsay! Objection, the question is leading! Objection, speculation! Objection!!!”
Of course we didn’t win. The defense sat up there like a wet rag.
So that was my last courtroom encounter and I still have the bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe you can understand my desire to be apart of the courtroom experience now. I guess I should also admit that the thought of just sitting and reading all day instead of working is a bit appealing too. I’m sure you get that all the time though.
I should probably make it clear that I don’t want to be on a really long trial or anything, a day or two will do. Also, if you could make sure it’s not too hot or stuffy in the room and that no one creepy tries to follow me home afterwards, that would be great.