When You’re Paranoid

It’s normal for people to worry about things. Some people worry about paying their bills, other people worry about sick relatives or friends – there are a lot of things to worry about in life.

And I do. I worry about everything, except I worry at a super human rate.

Oh sure, I try to control it. One time I resisted the urge to unplug the toaster after I was done using it and the thought of it tortured me for the rest of the day.

In addition to worrying about my house burning down all the time, I also worry about people, particularly my husband. I blame this mainly on the fact that he always seems to act very nonchalant about his safety and once I was actually on the phone with him when he was held up at gunpoint. The robber stole his phone too so I was cut off at the climax of the situation and he didn’t have my number memorized, so it was several horrible hours until I found out that he was okay. After this, I realized that worrying about his safety was going to have to be my responsibility since he seemed unfazed by it.

Unfortunately, society frowns upon locking your husband in a fireproof basement room, so I just have to settle for making him memorize my phone number. Well, that and Xanax.

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This entry was posted in Human Interactions, Marriage, Paranoid and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to When You’re Paranoid

  1. LOL! You are simply adorable! Im a worrier too so i absolutely understand.

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  2. I’ve only just discovered your blog tonight – your illustrations are fantastic!

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  3. Russ Nickel says:

    Hahaha. This is great. One of my favorite yet! If it gets too bad, you can always move to a country with more lenient laws concerning spousal imprisonment.

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  4. Held at gunpoint? If that didn’t bother him a whole lot, locking him in the basement should be just fine.

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  5. Elyse says:

    My husband used to travel a lot and I fretted the whole time. Afraid to turn on the news because I knew I’d hear of his plane crash that way. Then someone else I loved passed away unexpectedly, without me worrying one little bit. So I stopped worrying. I finally got it that it didn’t help.

    If only I’d used the basement …

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  6. Do Not Have Children. Ever.
    You will not SURVIVE worrying about them…even after they have children of their own.
    Can’t lock them in the basement, either… 😦

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  7. Behind says:

    I have made my husband promise not to die, ever.

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  8. brennagrimes says:

    OMG-for a moment I thought I was reading one of my own blog posts, except my drawings wouldn’t have been nearly as cool. I do the worry thing all the freaking time. Drives me crazy. Drives the hubby crazy. He never worries. I’ll have to do a post about the day he got hit by a car & acted as if he had simply went to the grocery store & gotten a bag of bagels.

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  9. This is the level of paranoia I live with every day. When I was pregnant, it was hilariously (in retrospect…) bad. I was living in a small apartment complex in Philly and the woman who lived on the floor below me was also pregnant. I was CONVINCED she was stealing my mail/packages. There was no reason for her to do so, but still, I was certain she was. I would sit by the window when the mailman came so that I could monitor neighborhood activities. My husband would see me by the window and sigh, “There’s ol’ lady Smeltzer. Don’t get too close! I hear she eats children.”

    Luckily, I got normal again after the baby was born.

    Held at gunpoint? No, he needs to be locked up for his own safety! (Yup, back to normal…)

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    • Rae says:

      I told you, we could be best friends! I also get weirdly paranoid about my neighbors. Once my trash can got mysterious filled up with leaves, and I’m positive they did it, so now I keep a strict watch on my trash cans like they are valuable or something.

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  10. J. Ploober says:

    I once found mold in an apartment and had a panic attack that it had caused structural damage, the building was going to collapse, the other tenants would die, and I would go to jail for murder. All in 30 seconds.

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    • Rae says:

      I’m actually pretty sure there is a lot of rot in my bathroom and I’m always paranoid that the bathtub is going to fall through the floor. And you know what mostly freaks me out about this scenario? The fact that I’d fall into the crawl space of the house and there would be SPIDERS everywhere!

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  11. amira says:

    I absolutely love that last image πŸ˜†

    and yes, humans are very clever at finding things to worry about…

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  12. Adrianna F says:

    I thought I worried a lot, but I think you have me at a disadvantage. This was great! Your comics are hilarious.

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  13. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only person in the world who is paranoid about my toaster devising a plan to burst into flames as it sits idle on my countertop and burn the house down. As for my husband… he used to travel for work to remote locations in the US and Canada for weeks at a time, and I worried. Eventually I got over it because he kept coming back home. πŸ˜‰ I still worry about that damn toaster, though.

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  14. asoulwalker says:

    That was really good.

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  15. I totally can relate to this because I’m such a HUGE worrywart. True story: I have fun on new year’s eve like most people do but new year’s day makes me nervous because I always imagine what possible horrible things the year has in store.

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  16. suzymarie56 says:

    I am obsessed with turning all the plugs off. I am so, so paranoid about fires breaking out so I just go around turning everything off. And if I leave the house and then get it into my head that I’ve left something on, I have to go back – e.g. straighteners last week (they were off obviously).

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  17. Cap’n Firepants must be related to your husband. He is just as nonchalant about crimes/assaults/homicides, etc… as your spouse. I think it’s because he is not from “the big city.” Annoyingly, he has only personally experienced one incident to prove my point about the perils where we live. Not that I want him to experience more – I just want him to do what I tell him, like lock the doors.
    Great pics and post, as usual.

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  18. Kitty Hun says:

    What I take away from this is to not feel so bad if my significant other doesn’t have my number memorized. Guys are just weird like that. ^_^.

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    • Rae says:

      Yes, but now you have to force him to memorize it, otherwise he’ll have to call his parents in the middle of the night and explain why he needs your number.

      Like

  19. Maxim says:

    Hey, if it’s fireproof, I saw lock him up!

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  20. Lori Franks says:

    I am afraid you might worry if the lock will be secure enough to hold him. πŸ™‚

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  21. Once my hubby went out for drinks after work and didn’t come home til 3 a.m. I’d thought he’d died in some fiery car crash. His apology was not accepted and he was not allowed to go to sleep until he sang Whitney Houston’s “I wanna dance with somebody” while bouncing on our bed. Best. Moment. Ever.

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  22. Jacob Spire says:

    πŸ˜€ Great post!
    I hope all this worrying doesn’t make you worry you might give yourself a heart attack.
    (Uh oh. Did I just give you something to worry about? Now I’M worried!)

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  23. SJ says:

    So true! I don’t understand why guys never worry enough!! When we’re in different countries, if I don’t hear from my fiance before 12am, I am convinced something has happened to him.

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  24. MaiBao says:

    My husband recently bought a motorcycle! Ahhhh! It is a nightmare for me because he takes unnecessary risks when driving, so I just imagine him riding a bike (He assures me that he’s very careful). So, before he bought the bike, I made him promise to never ever get into an accident and get injured or die.

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  25. Steve says:

    Yikes. You’re not alone; my girlfriend worries probably just as much. I wish she wouldn’t! I think, in general, things are gonna be okay.

    PS – I love these cartoons & posts. I’ve had a great time browsing around this afternoon.

    Like

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