How to Kill a Wasp

The other day Husband informed me that he found some wasp’s nests being built outside around the house. Honestly, there’s probably nothing he could have said that would have freaked me out more.

Let’s make one thing clear, I hate wasps. You know that person who runs out of a room when they come across something that scares them? That’s me. Not that I do that with everything that freaks me out. Once I was camping and a rattlesnake slithered up to me. Did I run or scream? No, I moved calmly away and everything was fine. Because I trust rattlesnakes more than I trust wasps.*

Wasps, if you aren’t familiar with them, are spindly, vindictive, evil creatures that mock you and then cause extreme pain.

They hover around you without ever actually looking like they’re moving. That, friends, is called Black Magic, and you should stay away from it, particularly when it’s being wielded by a wasp.

Once, I actually managed to face a wasp. It was in the inside of a curtain and I could see its menacing silhouette through it. Normally, when being faced with a wasp, I will just take my alcohol and leave, but in this case it was hanging out in the room I was sleeping in. Some people might tell you that wasps go dormant in the winter. These people are not your friends. Because this was in the middle of winter and all of 10°F outside and a wasp was in my bloody room.

Anyway, I knew I had to get rid of the wasp if I was ever going to sleep or move freely again, and at this moment I happened to be shielded by the curtain. I looked around for weapons, and the only thing I found was an empty water glass. It would have to do.

Approaching the wasp was the hardest part because it screamed against every logical instinct I had. I was terrified of only managing to maim it, which only increases a wasp’s “I’m going to fuck you” response, but I had to try.

I slammed the bottom of the cup against the wasp’s silhouette, but something was wrong. The curtain was too tight, so I couldn’t fully smash its body. It started to fly around, looking for the nearest exit, which was when I really started to panic. The closer I got to killing it, the more insane and manic I started to feel.

And that is how I killed my first wasp.

*I don’t recommend trusting rattlesnakes, but they probably are less malevolent than wasps.

This entry was posted in Observations, Paranoid and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to How to Kill a Wasp

  1. prettynthink says:

    In my 6th grade science camp, I was given the top bunk in a corner of the room. The corner (right where I could choose to put my head or feet) had a wasp’s nest. I slept there on the first night and then realized it the next morning. Had never been so petrified!


  2. Elyse says:

    This was a really fun way to start my Friday! Loved the story-pic combo. And the animation! You rock.


  3. Nice gif! 😀 I accidentally picked up a young rattlesnake once and tossed its little butt out of my house. Once I was informed that it was a rattlesnake, I freaked out a little and that was the last snake I ever fearlessly picked up. Wasps are pretty horrible, too. I think you really captured their villainous disposition.


  4. I always giggle at the person who nearly kills herself throwing her arms all over the place, trying to shoo away some insect that is about one millionths of her size and weight.

    I do commend your valiant efforts to rid the world of such evil though. I don’t envy the person whose curtains are now decorated for eternity with the remains of the unlucky villainous wasp.


  5. oh my god… You brought me to tears laughing. I understand completely! I rarely squeal in terror at anything creeping or crawling but wasps… they induce a terror reserved only for them that culminates in the rapid duck ‘n weave pattern of flight with panicked arm swings overhead. After having been attacked by a swarm (complete with a dozen up my shorts and t-shirt) that found me stripping naked and running in circles in my backyard as DH hosed them off and I looked like I’d been dipped in a vat of calamine lotion (really I just poured the bottle on myself)…. I don’t trust them.


  6. Heather says:

    Animation!!!!!!! I’m so jealous!!!!!


  7. hannahrose42 says:

    Wasps are basically the most malevolent thing I can think of. I count it a victory when I don’t run screaming like a little girl when I see or hear something I think is a wasp. Mud daubers are even worse — they’re like wasps in disguise. Who knew my archenemy knew spy tactics?


  8. iimpp says:

    We used to have a huge wasps’ nest on the tree outside of the house too. And it was right out of our window on the second floor. It was really creepy and needed almost half of a dozen of men to get rid of it. They shouted and yelled and yelped and did whatever, I had no idea what they were doing, while we kids staying safely inside.
    I agree with you. I’ve heard that wasps are vindictive, like snakes. But I also have heard that it can be talked to. Well, my mother once talked with the snakes living on our back yard that she wouldn’t do anything if they (the snakes) didn’t bother with us. And we’ve almost never been bothered. Anyway, you’re one of the bravest person I’ve ever seen. You did kill the wasp! You’re my idol now. 😀


    • Rae says:

      We had a beehive in our attic once when I was a kid. The bees came down one night and attacked my brother in his bed. When my dad and some of his friends got the beehive out, my mom made me take a nap, so I missed all of the excitement, but at least I was safe (or safer, because I’m sure the bees could have found a way into my room if they wanted to).


  9. suzymarie56 says:

    Oh I totally agree. I am also the person who makes ridiculously extreme movements when in the vicinity of a wasp. I couldn’t be calm even if I wanted to because my body tells me to jump up and run. That’s how you know it’s black magic, subconscious fear. Congrats on the kill though haha, I’d have been in a blind panic.


  10. Russ Nickel says:

    I’ve been stung by so many bees and wasps that I think I’m starting to build up a tolerance.


  11. Anne Schilde says:

    The fact that they tend to hover makes them easy targets for rolled up magazines.


  12. Jamie Pope says:

    I almost killed myself and my mother when a wasp flew in my car window. Of course I took my hands off the wheel to get it away from me.My mother was very angry that I almost crashed the car because of a bee. But I explained to her that it wasn’t just a bee it was a wasp and if it happened again I would probably react the same way. It’s a wasp for crap’s sake.


  13. setinmotion says:

    Ahh I perfectly understand. That’s how I feel about huntsman spiders. I spent 40 minutes trying to kill one once. And that was with insect spray too


  14. asoulwalker says:

    The ghost glass blends nicely with the demon-face.


  15. One summer wasps built a huge nest in our chimney…and then my mom polished our brass fireplace with lemon oil. We had THOUSANDS of wasps in the house. Freeeeaked us out.


  16. onemeanmfa says:

    I don’t know about all of you, but when killing a wasp I am calmly crazed and will use any chemical product that come out of an aerosol can. Scrubbing Bubbles is quite effective. #forfuturereference


  17. onemeanmfa says:

    comes* I suck at proofreading.


  18. I have never been scared of stinging creatures until one fell down the front of my shirt while I was biking, and stung me right between my breasts. Now I have much more respect for them. Great animated GIF btw.


    • Rae says:

      I had so many bees get caught in my hair when I was running when I was younger. It was terrible because you could hear them buzzing and then they’d very shortly find your neck.


  19. Did they call contractors to build the nest? It seems like they should need permits for that. I am not sure if I mentioned but I have nominated you for a Kreative Blogger award (you know its legit because of the kreative way I’ve spelled creative…) and you can find the info at either of my blogs. So far as I understand, which isn’t much; you have to post seven terrible things about yourself and nominate seven other blogs to accept. I am fairly certain that’s all I know though.


  20. Your blog is a ray of sunshine on this gloomy day in San Diego. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂


  21. laurengraceevans says:

    When I once did some beekeeping, (by once, I mean I did it one time,) the guy I was learning from told me that wasps KILL BEES! Since then I have disliked wasps even more.


  22. I hate anything that looks like or sounds like a bee ever since one stung me in the car without me knowing it was even there. I’m just glad I’m not allergic to them or else I would be in big trouble. I freak out when something buzzes by me.


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