How to Capture the Flag

Like a lot kids, I was awkward and painfully shy. I wasn’t very good at pretending like I knew how to socialize, and kids suck at conversation anyway, which is why they usually just resort to being mean.

So I perfected the art of becoming invisible, which basically meant not standing out in any way, and for the most part it worked.


At some point though, I decided this was bullshit and it would be nice to actually win at something. But what could I do when I only had the power of invisibility?

One day, my class was playing a mandatory game of Capture the Flag. Of course I was picked close to last, so I really wanted to prove everybody wrong. As I was standing on the field, I realized something. No one was really paying attention to me.


Which gave me an idea.

I stepped across the line to the other team’s side, but instead of running for the flag (aka, a chalkboard eraser), I just stood there and pretended to be one of them. I kept expecting some sweaty kid to run up and tag me, but no one did. So I started slowly making my way toward the flag, being sure not to make any sudden movements that would attract their attention (kids and T-Rex are strangely similar).

I waited until everyone near the flag was distracted, and then I calmly walked up and took it. At this point though, my childish zeal couldn’t be contained. I had captured the m*therf*cking flag!

I ran the flag back to my team’s side, which wasn’t really necessary since no one even realized I had it anyway.

And that was when I learned that an underhanded win is the easiest win.

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This entry was posted in Childhood Things, Observations and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to How to Capture the Flag

  1. A worthy Origin Story…
    So much makes sense now!

    Like

  2. Elyse says:

    You were a brilliant child! Evil, but brilliant. And I love the picture of you in the fetal position!

    Like

  3. brills! what a great story

    Like

  4. hayleydid says:

    Your posts brighten my day (:

    Like

  5. Don’t underestimate me beyatches!

    Like

  6. sj says:

    Your grin in that last picture is priceless.

    Like

  7. hannahrose42 says:

    I would say I had a similar experience, but we mostly played baseball and hockey… it’s hard to be sneaky and succeed at anything in those games…

    Like

  8. Arlene says:

    I wish I’d thought of that! I was an awkward, shy kid, too.

    Like

  9. Did capturing the @#^$% flag change your life in a profound way? PLEASE say yes!

    Like

  10. P.S. So glad I’m contributing to strengthening the Unicorn population too! I heart Unicorns! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Like

  11. Audrey says:

    This is awesome! I remember doing the same thing as a kid – yay for invisibility!!

    Like

  12. Anne Schilde says:

    I got an F in English. Three times. And I never could draw a T-Rex, which I think if I had realized their similarity to kids, might have made it easier, but I would have been #@*^&ing terrified of Capture the Flag!

    Like

  13. Are these your illustrations? They are so cute! I love them the dark haired one is adorable! x

    Like

    • Rae says:

      Yes, they are, and thanks! Are you talking about the one in the green dress? That’s me, although I’m probably more adorable in cartoon form.

      Like

  14. eyeLaugh says:

    Sounds like me when I was little πŸ™‚

    Like

  15. so awesome.. πŸ™‚

    Like

  16. Rob Rubin says:

    A think this brings back many a childhood memory for most people.

    It’;s funny, because yesterday I posted about how much i sucked at sports and had virtually the same kind of issues:
    http://themainland.net/the-most-glorious-moment-of-my-pathetic-athletic-career/

    Like

  17. The last time I played Capture The Flag; I was struck by lightning. True story…

    Like

  18. asoulwalker says:

    It’s just so beautiful from start to finish. Love the fetal position and the accompanying eyes.

    Like

  19. kallmaker says:

    Brilliant! Thank you!

    Like

  20. jhymy says:

    my favorite blog…keep doing whata you do

    Like

  21. Angie Z. says:

    I’m an underdog person myself and I think underdogs and underhandedness should get along famously. Go team!

    Like

  22. fringewalk says:

    Yaaaaaay! Go you! D:
    ps It wasn’t underhanded! Hiding in blindsight is a valid tactic and turning a weakness into a strength is something most adults struggle to do. Smart child!

    Like

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