I still have a herd of goats milling around my house because apparently I can’t have normal people problems. Animal Control finally showed up too, which apparently consists of one guy for the entire county, which apparently makes you crazy. Or maybe only a crazy man would take the job. Either way, crazy.
Me: Hi, are you here for the goats?
Animal Guy: Yeah, sure.
Me: Um, ok, they’re out here.
Animal Guy: Did you know all Germans are assholes?
Me: Uh, I guess they have somewhat of an unfortunate history, but I don’t know about all of them.
Animal Guy: Yep, all of them. And you know who’s the worst? The French. I hate the French. My sister married a French guy and I didn’t talk to her for five years. She called me up one day and says, “We shouldn’t be like this,” and I says, “Are you still married to that French guy?” She says, “Yeah,” so I haven’t talked to her for another two years.
Animal Guy: Yep, I’m an asshole, my dad was an asshole, my dad’s dad was an asshole, we’re all assholes.
Me: So, the goats?
Animal Guy: I can grab these few here, but I’m not going up that hill. I ain’t a billy-goat.
Me: I didn’t mean…
Animal Guy: What you need is some herdin’ dogs.
Me: I have cats.
Animal Guy: They herd?
Animal Guy: Well, I’ll have to make some calls then.
If you can avoid ever having to call Animal Control, I suggest you do so.
I was also talking with SJ from Booksnobbery on Twitter. I was trying to be clever by saying that I wished these goats with get off their ass. But then I forgot that ass was a donkey term and not a goat term. Then SJ said she pictured a goat riding a donkey. So then I drew this for her.
Meanwhile, I’m still trying to make #goattweets trend internationally. You’d really think there’d be a lot more activity on this topic.