I was going to work on a blog post tonight, but I got interrupted and it took up the time I needed to come up with a blog post.
I don’t know why I answered the phone. I really don’t. My whole shtick is that I don’t answer the phone. The husband and I were just laughing because we used up about 10 of our minutes last month and 670 text messages. We have 4,669 rollover minutes. No joke. I’m banking on chance that rollover minutes might be the new currency once the apocalypse happens. That or Cheetos, but really, who can keep uneaten Cheetos in the house?
Anyway, so I answered the phone because I really don’t know. And of course it was bad. They had finally tracked me down. After eight years of showing zero interest and not updating my address, my college alumni association found me. And since I have an unaddressed guilt complex, I couldn’t hang up on her. (Rough interpretation follows.)
Girl: Hi! I’m with your alumni, do you still live at this address?
Me: Um, no. But I’m moving again soon!
Me: [sigh] Here’s my new address.
Girl: That’s great. I see you majored in English, how’s that working out?
Me: Uh, good, I guess. I write and stuff.
Girl: Oh, ok. Did you go to graduate school?
Me: No. Don’t judge me.
Girl: What was that?
Me: I said I have to go in a minute.
Girl: Oh, ok, I promise not to keep you for more than five more minutes.
Me: But I said a minute…
Girl: [Goes on a long spiel about some new building and science curing cancer or something.] So can I count on you for $100 donation tonight?
Me: No, that’s not going to happen.
Girl: Ok, well, we have many payment plan options you can choose from.
Me: No, I really can’t.
Girl: Ok, well, you can make a pledge tonight and…
Me: That shit is legally binding and no.
Girl: Are you sure? We can…
Me: I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!
Girl: Oh, alright, goodnight.
Husband: What was that all about?
Me: The alumni found me.
Husband: Oh, I just always tell them that I don’t have a job.
Me: You’re a lot smarter than me.