Oh guys, I did it again. I’m watching Defiance. It’s just so ridiculously bad, I can’t help it.
There’s a new episode on now, but in the last episode I can tell you there was a close-up of some guy in a bar and he was doing a paint by number cat picture, but he also kind of looked like a cat! The future is so crazy!
In the episode I’m watching now there’s a group of people traveling in this van-like tank and one guy was asleep with a fedora over his face. So there you go. The future has figured out how to inhabit other planets but has not managed to get rid of fedoras. Also, the future is cool with plural marriage, except it’s a lady with two dudes! So progressive! And now there’s insinuating sex jokes. The future may be progressive, but ladies having sex is still funny!
One thing I’ve noticed about the future is all alien races have boobs and they’re all in the same places. Sure, weird hair or eye colors, strange obtrusions from the head, different cultural norms, but boobs? Boobs are all the same.
Now I have no idea what’s going on in the show. Too distracted by how alien boobs are all the same. Oh wait, it seems a preacher is double-crossing our hero. Oh shit, wait, he’s dead now, and they all thought they got out clean but now some lady is double-crossing them. She’s an ambassador from New York. I should mention that earth is called the Earth Republic now because, you know, other planets.
(I really hope I’m not actually spoiling this show for anyone. No one else is watching this, right?)
We’re on another plot line right now with a little red-headed alien. I have no idea what’s going on, but she seems to be quite feisty. So red hair also still exists in the future. Not sure if that’s supposed to be comforting or not.
The red-headed girl has something that looks like five butter knives strapped to her back. I think it’s supposed to make her look intimidating, but all I see is five butter knives. They don’t even seem to be special future knives either. Boring. Moving on.
There’s an alien boy playing music on a radio-like station. Haha, he just said he’s going to play some old-world vinyl! It’s the Cure! That’s funny because we still listen to and buy vinyl now, but in the future, it’s like really old and antique-like! The future is crazy!
The episode is ending with some alien/human sex. Don’t get too excited. Again, boobs are the same and they’re using missionary position. What’s even the point of being with an alien? The future is boring.